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国外也有段子手:十年头条,还是绝代双骄!

西江月-song 2019-03-18 19:00:21

ag游戏平台 www.kenko-1126.com 小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”!上周的欧冠赛场精彩看点层出不穷,C罗上演帽子戏法,带领尤文在主场大逆转;梅西也有两传两射帮助巴萨顺利晋级,利物浦赢下了和拜仁的焦点之战,而曼城则7球狂胜沙尔克。周末赛场,曼联、切尔西遭遇失利,齐祖重回皇马取首胜,曼城、利物浦也纷纷取胜。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们精彩吐槽吧!

C罗戴帽,尤文3-0马竞

Senhordobolo(比兰伦斯球迷):那一天,C罗用帽子戏法问候了你的球队并把你们淘汰出局,也许这是你一生中最糟糕的一天了。但对C罗而言,这只是一个普通的星期二。(The Day that Ronaldo graced your team with a hattrick eliminating you was the most terrible day of your life. For Ronaldo, it was just a normal Tuesday.)

Flybypost(拜仁球迷):其实尤文并没有欧冠诅咒,皇马也没有什么欧冠主角光环,这一切都只是因为C罗而已。(Maybe it was never a Juve CL curse, maybe it was never Real witchcraft, maybe it was Ronaldo all the time.)

Warrwu(未知主队球迷):本以为在看一场球赛,没想到竟是一部超级英雄的电影!(Thought I was watching a soccer match. It turned out to be a superhero movie.)

maman12345(切尔西球迷):人们说你在赛前吹牛逼说要上演帽子戏法带领球队逆转晋级,而你用实际行动告诉他们,你不是吹牛逼,你是真牛逼!(They say you are bragging to score a hatrick for a www.kenko-1126.comeback in a champions league but you actually make it.)

ankitm1(皇马球迷):如果你想写个剧本,今天的剧情绝对是最佳选择,没有比这更精彩的戏剧了!(If you were to write a script, this is exactly what most of us would have written. The most drama possible.)

mayjaz43(曼联球迷):这不是戏剧,这只是C罗的纪录片而已。(It’s not a drama, it’s just Ronaldo’s documentary.)

Hasan1221(未知主队球迷):蓄力待发的C罗和用力过早的西蒙尼,这就是造血和早泄的区别…(Ronaldo just saved his energy while Simone ejaculated too early,  that’s the difference between prosperous and prospermia.)

Ascaritos(未知主队球迷):欧冠里的C罗,就是足球世界里的查克-诺里斯!(Champions League Ronaldo is like the Chuck Norris of football.)

(注:查克-诺里斯就是在电影《猛龙过江》里和李小龙决斗古罗马竞技场的终极boss哦!)

Parisexpat(法国球迷):CL7!

(注:CL即为欧冠“Champions League”的缩写)

k0sima(曼联球迷):欧冠淘汰赛的C罗回来了,各位老铁快捂住你们老婆的眼睛!(Knock-out Ronaldo is back. Cover your wife’s eyes bois.)

merger3(曼联球迷):绝对是本世纪花得最值的1亿欧元!(100m is the bargain of the century.)

Leonardooo(尤文球迷):唉,要是布冯还没走该多好!(If Buffon was still with us...)

Zeekoes(阿贾克斯球迷):2019年的欧冠,首回合的胜利已经毫无意义!(Champions League 2019, the year where first tie wins became entirely meaningless.)

Jeffmister(未知主队球迷):好像大家都在参加“特别又时尚的花式被逆转大赛”一样…(The Round of 16 has bewww.kenko-1126.come a mini www.kenko-1126.competition to see which team can throw away a 1st leg lead in the most spectacular fashion.)

(格列兹曼的长相和乔大帝还是有一点点像的...)

-Oddy-(未知主队球迷):就算裁判给马竞2个小时的加时,恐怕他们还是连一脚射正都憋不出来!(Ref could've give 2 hours add time and Atlético wouldn't have a shot on goal LOL.)

Unban_Ice(拜仁球迷):西蒙尼今天的战术:10-0-0的阵型用来防守,30%的控球权,最后再祈祷C罗不要进球。(Simeone's strategy for today: 10-0-0 defending. 30% ball possession. Pray to god Ronaldo won't score.)

dpu80(切尔西球迷):这个叫C罗的表现不错啊,希望齐祖能及时发现这位青年才俊,这才是最适合皇马的引援,阿扎尔什么的算老几呀!(What a talent. I hope Zidane rates this young prospect. RM should target him over that Hazard fellow.)

RoidMonster(未知主队球迷):皇马是在下一步大棋!把C罗送到尤文,就是为了确保不让死敌马竞晋级!(Real playing 4d chess, selling Ronaldo to ensure Atletico get knocked out.)

梅西两射两传,巴萨5-1里昂

JuanRamos909(西班牙球迷):梅老五变成了梅老虎!(The fifth bewww.kenko-1126.comes the fist.)

eldax(里昂球迷):至少我们没输成1-6…(Not 6-1 at least.)

darthvader7888(未知主队球迷):自从内马尔离开巴萨以后,他的欧冠淘汰赛进球数还没皮克多…(Ever since Neymar left Barca, Pique has scored more goals than him in CL knockout rounds.)

TheAlmightyMeow(阿森纳球迷):我切换着看这场以及利物浦的那场比赛,结果一来一回竟然错过了3个进球…(the moment i switch to liverpool game back and forththus missed 3 goals in a row.)

horrorgengar(利物浦球迷):当皮克的前锋模式激活以后,你就应该知道一切都已经结束了!(You know its over when striker pique activated.)

iciboy(未知主队球迷):我早就说过了,踢前锋的皮克 > 莫拉塔!(I SAID IT BEFORE, Striker Pique > Morota.)

FenrirXXVIII(曼联球迷):梅西都跑着去防守了,这绝对是足坛最奇怪的镜头了…(Watching Messi run at the defense is one of the most weird sights in football.)

manupv123(巴萨球迷):布斯克茨在盘带推进,梅西跑回去防守,这…(Busquets is dribbling while Messi is defending. Hmmm.)

(图):会按哪个剧本走呢?

biraboyz(未知主队球迷):看来梅西马上就要去踢门将啦!(Messi will take the GK position soon.)

y333zy(未知主队球迷):要是没让你时不时发个心脏病,那就不是巴萨的欧冠比赛了…(It’s not a Barca CL match unless they give you a heart attack at some point.)

Zetrip(热刺球迷):哈哈,以后我可以告诉我的孙子,你爷爷当年可是有幸见证了梅西、C罗和西索科的时代!(So glad I can tell my grandkids that I lived through the Messi, Ronaldo and Sissoko era.)

JoninDungeon(未知主队球迷):他们中出了一个叛徒…(One of them is not like the others.)

梅西带帽,巴萨4-1贝蒂斯

Manhunterko(曼联球迷):现在欧冠还能重新抽签吗?(Can we redraw CL please?)

duyanh912003(曼联球迷):看这场比赛就像是在看gay片一样,虽然极其不愿意,但还是可耻地硬了…(Watching this game for me is like watching gay porn. It gets me hard even though it is not supposed to...)

AlessiaFP(巴萨球迷):如果梅西想要XX我,那我一定会先把套套剪个洞,这样我就能养他的孩子啦!(IF I MESSI WANNA FUCK ME I'D BREAK HIS CONDOM SO I COULD RAISE HIS KID.)

CrimsonBattleLoss(未知主队球迷):没必要吧,就这点防护能拦得住梅西爆射吗?(Unnecessary. Messi’s shot can get past any defense.)

ajn789(利物浦球迷):已经等不及去看梅西苏牙大战囧斯啦!(Cannot wait to see Messi and Suarez vs Phil Jones lol.)

futb0l(利物浦球迷):苏亚雷斯上一秒还是软脚虾,下一秒立马就变成斗战胜佛,整场比赛就在这二者之间循环切换…(Luis Suarez: goes full retard one minute, world-class the next. Rinse and repeat.)

(图):如果你喜欢其中的一个,并不需要去恨另一个!

Ceeduu(巴萨球迷):要是评选一个吐饼大王,那苏牙肯定会以绝对优势夺冠…(Suarez leads the Europe in missed big chances by so large margin that it’s funny.)

PowLikeMagic(曼联球迷):不是卢卡库吗?(Not Lukaku?)

Iwasacrayfish(未知主队球迷):吐饼的前提也得是先接到饼啊…(To miss a chance you need to make a chance first.)

马内范戴克进球,利物浦3-1拜仁

Infamy444(曼城球迷):我都记不起上次欧冠八强没有拜仁和皇马是什么时候了…(Can't remember a quarter final without both Bayern and Madrid.)

Stagwooolf(AC米兰球迷):所以现在欧冠联赛已经成了邀请了几支嘉宾球队的足总杯了?(So champions league is just fa cup with some guests.)

AnimalMotif(未知主队球迷):马内的表现只能在巫术和无术之间切换,没有中间选择…(Mane is either a wizard or wizen there is no unbetween.)

Rikariu(阿贾克斯球迷):小组赛时还好我们没在主场赢了拜仁,不然就得是我们贾府来踢利物浦了,而拜仁不就得了一张免费晋级的门票啦?(I'm so glad we didn't win that home game vs Bayern. Well then Ajax would have faced Liverpool, and Bayern would have got the free ticket for the next round.)

Distantapplause(未知主队球迷):拜仁这样就算一直踢到周末也进不了球??!(Bayern could play till the weekend and not score.)

AdventurousChapter(阿森纳球迷):范戴克到底是什么材料做的?怎么这像橡树一样的大块头还能速度这么快?(What kind of fucking material is Van Dijk, dude's like the size of an oak tree but still has some crazy speed.)

Unban_Ice(拜仁球迷):新的一年,新的欧冠,新的难过。(Another year, another CL, another disappointment.)

Scamanor(阿森纳球迷):阿森纳发来贺电。(Congratulation from Arsenal.)

Rinacio(拜仁球迷):现在我觉得吧,其实网球才是我最喜欢的运动,我的爱豆是兹维列夫啦!(Now that I think about it, Tennis has always been my true passion anyway. Zverev is my idol.)

salonpas13(切尔西球迷):如果喜欢兹维列夫,那你还是再多找几个备份的爱豆吧…(You always need a favourite back-up if you support Zverev.)

(注:德国网球名将兹维列夫,目前尚未闯入过大满贯四强)

diddumsy(未知主队球迷):英国球队总共在欧冠淘汰赛里赢德国球队17-3…(English teams with a 17-3 aggregate score over German teams in CL, Jesus.)

d_smogh(阿森纳球迷):还不是多亏了我厂,这次没去拖后腿!(Helps that Arsenal weren't there to fuck it up.)

DerGregorian(利物浦球迷):上次我就是去厕所的时候我们进了俩,这次我去厕所结果又特么进球了!(Went to the toilet the other day and we scored twice, went again just and we scored a fucking goal again.)

Another_Bernardus(利物浦球迷):哥们,这赛季你能不能就别从厕所出来了…(Mate, stay on the toilet the rest of the season.)

破球队欧冠纪录,曼城7-0沙尔克04

OPisaVaG(未知主队球迷):这就像玩FIFA踢生涯的时候你在第一回合输球了,为了确保第二回合翻盘,只好把难度给调到最低了…(Its like Fifa manager mode when you lost the first leg so you put the game on easy in the second leg to make sure you stay in the CL.)

The_Foreign_Pie(热刺球迷):想不起来上次有球队总比分输2-10是啥时候了,真是太丢脸啦!(Can't remember the last time it was 10-2 on aggregate in the champions league. A real thumping.)

Imsortofabigdeal(热刺球迷):我记得上次比分是10-2时也是一支德国球队和英国球队呢,只不过比分是反过来的…(Well, last time I saw a 10-2 I seem to recall the German and English teams being on the reverse sides of it...)

JJFresh814(阿森纳球迷):老铁们咱聊点有趣的事吧!上次我逛商店还看见一个二手柜子,好像是某支英超球队以前买来放奖杯的,结果十多年来一个也没放进去,现在还是非常新呢!(Hey bro let me tell you something interesting. I found a used cabinet for sale last time, it belongs to a PL team who intended to place trophies on but never had one for a dozen years. So it’s quite new!)

don_dude(罗马球迷):沙尔克07!(Schalke 07!)

Puncherfaust1(沙尔克球迷):这数字其实是在向罗马致敬!(The number stands for our regards to Rome.)

HaraGG(皇马球迷):可怜的埃德森,竟然没有机会去进个球…(Poor Ederson didn’t get to score :(

MrDolphin1313(切尔西球迷):哈哈,什么球队竟能输给曼城超过6个球?(Imagine conceding more than 6 goals to City lmao.)

PinkCinnamon(曼城球迷):期待一会从炮hub上看这场比赛的精彩集锦呢!(Looking forward to seeing the highlights on P**nhub later tonight.)

JackKahunaLaguna(多特球迷):不行,强X案可是不允许放在炮hub上的!(Nope, rape is not allowed on PH.)

YoungWilliow21(沙尔克04球迷):看来你们是自愿被热刺摩擦咯?(So it’s your own will to be fucked by Spurs?)

(图):其实还是有的...

Ealt 880(拜仁球迷):曼城你快住手吧,他们已经死了!(City you can stop now, they were already dead!)

GroutGamer(阿森纳球迷):那你们当时怎么不住手…(Well you didn't…)

SpikeyPT(葡萄牙体育球迷):欧冠淘汰赛还是有过更大的比分的,2008-09赛季,拜仁以12-1的总比分(5-0和7-1)淘汰了本菲卡,随后就被巴萨半场4-0了…(There is a larger score line. Bayern - Sporting in 2008/2009, 12-1 (5-0 and 7-1), inb4 they conceded 4 goals against Barca by half-time.)

Ryponagar(卢塞恩球迷):这都已经10年啦?我真是老了…(That was 10 years ago!? Fuck I'm old.)

Radinax(皇马球迷):我挺希望阿贾克斯夺冠的,这样我们起码也是被冠军淘汰的了…(Rooting for Ajax to win so at least we can say we got beaten by the Champions.)

AustinMustard(未知主队球迷):现在的波尔图,就像是被一群黑又硬的大汉围住的金发女郎一样…(Porto is looking like that blondie girl with a lot of black dudes behind her.)

(图):怎么又是这张图...

DF1237(曼联球迷):就像是去年半决赛,皇马,拜仁和利物浦都想抽到罗马一样…(It feels like the Semis last year, Real, Bayern and Liverpool all wanting Roma.)

Igloo433(巴萨球迷):罗马去年明明很牛逼的好嘛!(Roma were so good last year...)

齐祖回归首战,皇马2-0塞尔塔

Flifthyawesome(未知主队球迷):齐祖是不是拿剃须刀刮了刮他的光头?(Zizou shaves his head?)

gabokike99(哥斯达黎加球迷):现在齐祖的光头就是一个魔法水晶球!(His bald head is just a crystal ball.)

FalkoneyeCH(本菲卡球迷):全欧洲都很幸运,因为齐祖是在皇马被淘汰出欧冠后才接手的球队…(Europe is lucky that Zizou took over after they already were eliminated from CL.)

san771(皇马球迷):看这场比赛的评论区,你会以为我们是战胜了巴萨…(Seeing this thread you'd think we just won against Bar?a or something like that...)


争四不利,切尔西0-2埃弗顿

Magnific3nt(阿森纳球迷):现在是没人想要当第四啦?(Nobody wants top 4 atm.)

LostPrinceofWakanda(切尔西球迷):英超联赛是啥,没听说过。真正的足球不都是在每周四的欧联杯吗?(English Premier League? Never heard of it. Real football only happens on Thursdays EL anyway.)

official_bagel(阿森纳球迷):看到沃尔科特和吉鲁同时上场却不再是为我厂踢球,真的感觉好不适应…(Weird to see Walcott and Giroud both on but not playing for us.)

accountcs50help(未知主队球迷):和我一样大的沃尔科特都30岁啦,以前我还老笑话他,现在人家起码周薪10万镑,而我却还是一事无成…(Theo Walcott is 30 years old as me. I used to laughed at him now he earned 100k a week at least while I am still a loser.)

马内进球,利物浦2-1富勒姆

sidaeinjae (未知主队球迷):这可比踢拜仁时紧张多了!(More tense than Bayern away!)

R4wy(未知主队球迷):富勒姆总是能找到稀奇古怪的方式去输球…(Fulham's ability to find a way to lose is incredible.)

Captain_Priceless(利物浦球迷):如果你看了利物浦这些比赛后还没挂掉,那你人生中就没什么过不去的坎了…(If you're still alive after these games I think you can manage through anything.)

The_Gooch_Median(利物浦球迷):看了利物浦20年球了,这么多的痛苦和煎熬怎么也能得到点赔偿吧!(I deserve www.kenko-1126.compensation for pain and suffering from supporting this club for 20 years.)

逆转绝杀,曼城3-2斯旺西

SineddFC(未知主队球迷):足总杯不装VAR的原因,就是怕这些无能裁判失业以后发起暴动袭击!只能说为了社会稳定,英足总尽力了…(FA are afraid of the riot by unemployed refs after having VAR, they have tried their best for the www.kenko-1126.common wealth. )

Boastfulfrog(曼联球迷):本来我魔输球就很伤心了,看到隔壁这样晋级,现在更伤心了…(It hurts me to see us get defeated but it hurts me harder to see city make through by this way.)

Brett_vz(阿森纳球迷):唉,也不知道是哪支倒霉球队,接下来得两周内3次和曼城踢比赛呢!(They said there would be a poor team to face city three times in 2 weeks.)

WhoTookChadFarthouse(热刺球迷):按我刺这尿性,3场比赛很可能会赢2场,然后结局是我刺既没进欧冠四强,也没进联赛前4…(it would be very Spurs to win 2 of these 3 games, still get knocked out of the CL, and still not make top 4.)

无缘足总杯四强,曼联1-2狼队

L0rd91(曼联球迷):别担心老铁,还记得逆转大巴黎的那场比赛吗?那才是真的牛逼,相信我们会在下回合再赢狼队的!诶,不对…(Remember that www.kenko-1126.comeback at PSG? What a game that was! We’ll beat them in the second leg, don’t worry lads. Oh wait…)

L1V3RPOOL(利物浦球迷):哈哈,得是多辣鸡的球队才能被狼队淘汰出足总杯??!诶,不对…(Imagine chocking enough to go out the FA cup to Wolves lmao! Oh wait…)

mentalsanchez(哥伦比亚球迷):我一个哥伦比亚人,竟然喜欢着这么一支在英国的球队,队里都是葡萄牙球员,踢着意大利风格的足球,老板还是中国人…(Italian football played, Chinese sponsored, full of Portuguese lads, what an English team loved by a Colombian.)

AnonymousPro12(热刺球迷):狼队肯定会赢啊,然后半决赛再淘汰曼城,最终在足总杯决赛里输给米尔沃尔!(Wolves are gonna win here, then win against Man City in the semi finals before losing to Millwall in the FA Cup Final.

(图):狼家要崛起了吗?

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这啦。让我们拭目以待,来看下期歪果仁们更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧!

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