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国外也有段子手:滚蛋吧!肿瘤君

AraragiKoyomi 2017-09-26 22:10:28

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小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”!本周的国际赛场精彩看点层出不穷,曼市双雄、切尔西、巴萨、利物浦等球队均顺利获胜,而皇马和拜仁却惨遭翻车。周末的各大联赛,也是几家欢喜几家愁。好了,话不多说,让我们赶紧看看国外段子手们的犀利吐槽吧!

【乌尔赖?;朴褪?,拜仁2-2战平狼堡】

nightrider24(皇马球迷):拜仁老铁们,不要伤心。风里雨里,我们等你!(www.kenko-1126.come on guys.We have cookies and milk in the mini life crises decline train.Welwww.kenko-1126.come!)

A-Givens(未知球队球迷):我不知道拜仁球迷有什么好伤心的,我这辈子所支持的球队就没硬起来过,我这辈子就没体会过冠军的滋味。 (I wonder what it's like to consider things like this a crisis. I've been a supporter of teams that have been mostly shit my entire life and have never felt any level of entitlement.)

choss(秘鲁球迷):老哥,阿森纳的?(Arsenal supporter?)

ramobra(阿森纳球迷):哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈(Nice.)

aztechunter(底特律FC球迷):后诺伊尔时代,拜仁究竟何去何从。(Welwww.kenko-1126.come to Post-Neuer Bayern.)

TheLonelyDevil91(未知球队球迷):我觉得呢,拜仁这状态也只能去欧联杯了。至于抽到阿森纳什么的,这一切都是命运注定。(It's fate.Bayern's form indicates to me they will finish 3rd in their group then get drawed to Arsenal in EL.)

阿森纳老铁们,我们叕来了!

Naijfreak(阿森纳球迷):丢雷,你们这群德国大坏坏,我厂打一次欧联容易么。(IFuck. Leave us alone you German dream killers.)

ThiefMortReaperSoul(拜仁球迷):宝贝别这样说嘛,我们是天造地设的一对哦~(Shhh babe... dont say no to love. We are meant to be together.)

嘿,阿森纳,今天是欧冠比赛日哦!

Skiers(毕尔巴鄂球迷):安胖,看在梅西的面子上,让马丁内斯去打中场吧,求你了。(Play Javi in the god damn midfield please. For the love of god. )

itsoneillwith2ls(多特球迷):希望每天醒来看到的都是拜仁输球的消息。安胖,证明你是真黄黑的时候到了。(WONDERFUL NEWS.)

DeliciousIndian(曼联球迷):胡梅尔斯究竟做了什么,你们居然这样黑他。(Seriously, what did Hummels do? How could you treat him so badly?)

Meskaline(多特球迷):你说呢。(Leave.)

【连场进球,保利尼奥表现出色】

inbond7(巴萨球迷):东方巨龙,请开始你的表演吧。(Chinese Dragon Lord is on **FIRE**)

-P-M-(未知球队球迷):就像龙母席卷维斯特洛一样。(Dracarys.)

RixkertRJ(巴萨球迷):本赛季西甲进球数:保利尼奥 2;C罗 0。(La Liga goals this season: Paulinho - 2; Ronaldo - 0)

lotrewill(热刺球迷):在保利尼奥的淫威之下,内马尔不得不选择退出巴西国家队。(Neymar quits Brazil to get out of Paulinho's shadow. )

保利尼奥球衣一抢而空!

pilkoyass(巴萨球迷):这次我会买他的球衣了。(i'm buying the jersey!)

berbathlicism(巴萨球迷):梅西:“内马尔,对不起,你是个好人。但我觉得我爱上保利尼奥了?!?Friendship ended with Neymar. Now Paulinho is my best friend. )

【近期状态低迷,利物浦遭球迷吐槽】

crookedparadigm(利物浦球迷):我觉得萨拉赫是有能力拿到英超金靴的??上У氖?,他不会射门。(I think salah will have the boot by the December if he knows how to shoot.)

stratrookie(亚特兰大联球迷):张志军同志还能取得革命的最终胜利么?(Will Ox ever win again ?!? )

Set-Abominae(AC米兰球迷)站在你面前的是,无为大师,红军城城主,张·坦格利安·伯伦(Jack of all trades, master of none.)

Magnehtic(曼联球迷):如果温格是利物浦主教练的话,怕是已经凉咯。(No one else can.)

Sterendude(阿森纳球迷):利物浦球迷,概不退货哦~(No refunds!)

ColombiaNaziWeedPope(阿森纳球迷):张伯伦人送外号:张木马(Wenger's legacy: The Trojan Ox)

Psychobob35(利物浦球迷): 利物浦的比赛总是这样吃鸡,但我希望以后可以少吃点速效救心丸。(Never a boring Liverpool game....I think I'd like a boring Liverpool game every now and then.)

Vaark(利物浦球迷):对于中立球迷来说,利物浦的比赛总是非常好看的。而对于我们利物浦球迷来说,呵呵。(Liverpool games are fun for everyone but Liverpool fans.)

fkitbaylife(利物浦球迷):本场最佳,是来自莱斯特城的安东尼-泰勒(10/10 performance by anthony taylor for leicester.)

rol9nd(利物浦球迷):谢谢你,库蒂尼奥?;乩淳秃?。(He is back.)

【如入无人之境,曼城5-0水晶宫】

melodyfelony(利物浦球迷):德尔夫刚刚亲手解决掉了霍奇森。(Delph just sacked Hodgson himself.)

augerrroooooooooo(曼城球迷):可能只是因为霍爷爷没有带他去欧洲杯吧。人哪,都是不可预料的。(Revenge for not being picked for the euro 2016 sqaud :P)

saywhatagain_(曼城球迷):连德尔夫都能进球了?瓜瓜你是上天派来的天使吧。(pep turning delph into a goal scorer makes me believe that he is the second www.kenko-1126.coming of christ.)

alanrickmans_butler(水晶宫球迷):看起来,猫头鹰并不比戒赌吧老哥强多少。(turns out replacing your manager with an owl doesn't solve any of your problems.)

Chabell201(桑德兰球迷):还好,我不是个水晶宫球迷。(Well, at least I'm not a Palace fan.)

Muur1234(博尔顿球迷):但你们现在排在英冠的降级区中,别幸灾乐祸了?!醋阅壳暗娴椎牟┒俚那蛎缘囊坏憔橹?。(Yeah but Sunderland are in the bottom three of the Championship now, what shit cunts. Plz ignore we're bottom.)

Oomeegoolies(米德尔斯堡球迷):我认为我们的进攻就已经很菜了,没想到有比我们更菜的。(Jesus is going to check for the offside flag after every goal he ever scored for a while.)

(注:上赛季米堡38轮一共才进了27个球,目前曼城6轮就进了21个。)

fabiocheron(帕尔拉梅斯球迷):阿圭罗的这个进球,有点铍老师的神韵啊。(When the cross is so good you don't even have to move a muscle.)

【被绝杀,皇马0-1不敌贝蒂斯】

DonQuiHottie(皇马球迷):原来被里德马家皇绝杀的感觉是这样的,真的好难受。(So that's how it feels.Everyone was right. Last minute headers are the worst.)

dinoucs(巴萨球迷):如果你仔细观察回放的话,拉莫斯的一个失误导致了这个进球。(If you check the replays, Ramos canceled the offside trap stupidly.)

Darraghi12(未知球队球迷):真是成也水爷,败也水爷。(So what you're saying is Ramos made another last minute header?)

nikica251(巴萨球迷): 这次,轮到皇马被拉莫斯化了。(They got Ramosed.)

MajesticPlatypus9(阿森纳球迷 ):如果皇马签下了保利尼奥,那么这一切本来是可以避免的。(If real were smart and signed paulinho this wouldn't have happened.)

AngryPenguin501(多伦多FC球迷):这个进球正是皇马所翘首以盼的啊,可惜进错球门了。(The exact ball that Madrid have been looking for the entire game.)

EliasAlucard(皇马球迷):什么?绝杀了?拉莫斯牛....卧槽?贝蒂斯进的?(Sergio Ramo... wait)

TheLeoMessiah(佛蒙特球迷):阿丹,你曾在穆鸟与卡西不合时为皇马挺身而出,你是个高级的人、脱离了低级趣味的人,你是个真正的马德里主义者。(Adan! Former Madridista, was actually the goalkeeper who replaced Casillas when him and Mou had their little spat.)

【卢卡库进球,曼联1-0南安普顿】

Seastep(热刺球迷):我还记得上场比赛的第一个进球,穆里尼奥的笑容真的美爆了!(I love the shot of smiling Mourinho in the build-up to this goal.)

Prophet_of_Jaciam(切尔西球迷):萌之上,即为荡漾。(Mou smiling warms my heart.)

DarkSofter(曼联球迷):不敢相信杨教授居然是我魔唯一一个会传中的球员了。(Can Young play every game since he is our only guy who can cross?)

thecricketnerd(曼联球迷):和肖、达米安、布林德做对比的话,人人都是贝克汉姆。(Imagine being Shaw, Blind or Darmian and having to www.kenko-1126.compete with that.)

Macko_(曼联球迷):别忘了还有被我杨球王压在板凳上的迪马利亚。(Imagine being Di Maria and having to www.kenko-1126.compete with that.)

BadApplePineapple(曼联球迷):我真的好喜欢杨教授啊,希望他能像他的名字一样永葆青春。(Fucking love Ashley Young! Hopefully he stays young forever.)

(注:Young,阿什利-扬,词本意为“年轻”)

TanchankaTheGod(曼联球迷):派费莱尼首发上场的问题在于,你不能在80分钟的时候再换上一个他。(The problem with starting Fellaini is that you can't sub on Fellini with 10 minutes to go.)

notarobot45(曼联球迷):如果你觉得这场比赛很刺激,那么你一定是疯了(Enjoyable match if you are a psychopath.)

【莫拉塔带帽,切尔西4-0斯托克城】

SimbaP(切尔西球迷):嫁女当嫁莫拉塔。(daughters out for Morata)

Seejayayy(切尔西球迷):你们这么夸我的男朋友,我可是会害羞的哦。(Hello it's me,Conte's daughter.)

sam3123(斯托克城球迷):说句题外话,我们现在没有一个正牌中卫能上场比赛了。(For those keeping count, we are now playing with 0 centre backs after Martins Indi got injured.)

sidhantsv(皇马球迷):emmmmmm,是时候来谈一谈回购条款的问题了,车子老铁们。(Hmmmmmmmmmmm....About that nonexistent buyback clause.)

ThatsMyCleverIdea(切尔西球迷):等我们捂热了再说。(new phone who dis.)

看到莫拉塔戴帽的齐达内……

Electric_Pegasus(皇马球迷):是哪个zz说莫拉塔不具备在豪门首发的实力的?(A big fuck you to anyone who said Alvaro wasn't good enough to be a starter for a top team. )

vaGrr(皇马球迷):等等,好像是我们啊...(So we can go fuck ourselves then.)

power410(切尔西球迷):西班牙的技术扶贫就是屌。(Spanish freaking inquisition.)

Cpt_Dartl(切尔西球迷):皇马老铁你们永远不会独行!(HALA MADRID!)

【尴尬,巴黎0-0蒙彼利?!?/strong>

elpadresisi(巴黎球迷):卡瓦尼吐饼的方式真的是越来越出神入化了。(Cavani is really starting to master his fake shots.)

zrb19z(瑞典球迷):他的偶像就是大英扛把子,丹尼-维尔贝克。(Cavani wishes he had the fake shots of Danny Welbeck.)

el_bake(莫斯塔尔贝莱斯球迷):本场比赛之后,内马尔在ins上关注了蒙彼利埃。(*Neymar follows Montpellier on instagram*)

Mazurr(未知主队球迷):内马尔:我很想笑,但我忍住了....(Neymar: kkkkkkkkkkkkk)

【令人尊敬,耶莱再次战胜睾丸癌】

ShadyBeaver(桑德兰球迷):战胜癌症需要很大的勇气,你值得我的尊敬!你是个真正的男人。(Takes a lot of balls to keep kicking cancers arse.Good man.)

i_need_to_answer_qs(未知主队球迷):作为同样患上睾丸癌的人,我希望我自己能和你一样坚强。去死吧!肿瘤君。(As someone fighting testicular cancer myself,this is great to see!Fuck cancer!)

RicciRox(曼联球迷):你是个有种的男人。(The balls on this man.)

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这里了。下周的精彩比赛依旧多多,让我们拭目以待,期待下周更加精彩的歪果仁吐槽吧~

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